


Must Love...Dog...?

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Yet Another Gratuitously Fluffy Darcyland Soulmate AU [9]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Balrog the Bilgesnipe, Darcyland, F/M, HawkShock, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, and not a dog, but it works out in the end, clint didn't think this one through, darcy's dog is scary, using your dog to get dates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:12:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7716079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint and Lucky make a great team.  But when it comes to picking up soulmates, Clint's on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Must Love...Dog...?

**Author's Note:**

> This one's for mscoffeebitch on tumblr, who said:  
> I adore your fluffy AF soulmate series! It's totally adorable. I also have a suggestion for one! "Can I pet your dog" with, you guessed it! Taserhawk pairing.  
> Yay! More Clint!

Contrary to popular belief, Clint was a morning person.  It was the best time to go to the park to walk Lucky, daily walks being an important part of the dog’s exercise routine.  It didn’t hurt that it was the most popular time for people to jog.

And by ‘people,’ he meant single girls who loved to pet the adorable puppy dog.  It was truly impressive the number of dates Lucky had gotten him over the years.  They made a great team.  Lucky didn’t care what happened _after_ his walk, as long as he got obscene amounts of attention _during_ his walk.  All in all, it was a perfect system.

Of course, all good things must come to an end.

She’d started coming to the park about a week ago, a pretty brunette with bright blue eyes behind thick-framed glasses.  She wasn’t a jogger—she was by no means out of shape, but she gave off a vibe that said exercise in general and jogging in particular was against her religion.  Instead, she was usually perched on a bench, concentrating intensely on her phone while a leash trailed into the bushes behind her.  He would catch her eye as he and Lucky passed, and they would exchange nods.

Today, though, he was going to take a page from the jogger girls and talk to her.  After all, if they could approach him through his dog, he should be able to do the same thing, right?

As they came up on her bench, he saw that she was standing facing the bush, coxing her dog out.  Perfect!

 _‘Can I pet your…dog…’_   As soon as he started talking, he could see that he’d made a terrible mistake.  He wasn’t sure what exactly the creature emerging from the bushes was, but he knew for a fact that it was no dog.  He hadn’t seen something that ugly since the Battle of New York.  Lucky ducked behind him, clearly saying ‘If one of us gets eaten, it’s not gonna be me, pal.’

 _‘You can,’_ she said over her shoulder, _‘but I wouldn’t recommend it.  Unless, of course, you’re not particularly attached to your hand.  Balrog is sensitive about his personal space.’_

‘I can understand that.  In that case, I’d settle for a name, and maybe a phone number?’  he grinned.  ‘Or I could just call you “Soulmate.”’

She turned, raising an eyebrow as she looked him up and down.  ‘It figures that this is how it would go down.  Never had a dog before—except for like ten seconds in New Mexico, and I gave him away so he wouldn’t get blown up by the deathbot—and then I get Balrog and you can’t even tell the difference.  For crying out loud, aren’t you supposed to be the one with the super eyesight, or is the whole “Hawkeye” thing a beautiful but ultimately tragic lie created by the government to placate the masses?’  Shaking her head, she heaved a sigh that managed to convey disappointment akin to that of Senor Senior, Senior when Senor Senior, Junior once again chose ‘pop star’ over ‘supervillain’.

…maybe Natasha was right when she said he watched too many cartoons.

She was still looking at him like he’d threatened to kick her puppy, which really wasn’t fair at all.  There was no _way_ he was stupid enough to try and kick her puppy. ‘Dude.  Seriously.  I wear glasses, and even I can tell he’s not a dog.’

‘In my defense, I wasn’t looking at your…’

‘Bilgesnipe.’

‘I knew that.’

She crossed her arms, seeming unconcerned that Balrog was glaring at him.  ‘Really?’ she asked skeptically.

‘Nope, not a clue.  What’s a bigesnipe?’

‘I dunno.’  She shrugged, scratching Balrog between his antlers.  ‘I’ve asked Thor a couple of times, but he’s never given me a straight answer.  Just says “repulsive” and makes antlers with his hands.’  She brought her hands to her temples, palms out with her fingers toward Clint.  He watched Balrog’s leash slip down her arm, unable to decide if her lack of concern over her control of the bilgesnipe was reassuring or extremely distressing.  Balrog caught his eye and yawned widely.  He had an impressive set of teeth.

‘How did you get a hold of him, then?  I can’t see Thor just showing up and giving you a bilgesnipe for your birthday.  No, wait, actually I can.’

She grinned.  ‘It does make a certain kind of scary sense, doesn’t it?  But no, I got him by accident.  Jane was doing some research on Asgard and I came along for the ride because seriously, who would say no to a free trip to another planet?  And then Jane got into Deep Science Mode, which is all fine and dandy, she does some of her best work then, but it’s really boring if you’re not an astrophysicist, so I got Fandral to show me around because dude is way cute—’ Clint wondered if he should be jealous of Fandral.  Something must have shown on his face, because she patted his arm and continued ‘—but not nearly as cute as you, so cool your jets.  Anyway, we were walking in this forest and we stumbled across this tiny baby bligesnipe.  Near as we can figure, his parents were killed, and he was left all alone.  He was so helpless!’

Clint made eye contact with Balrog, who licked his chops.  Helpless.  Right.

‘So of course I brought him home with me.  Nobody else was going to do anything.  Fandral wanted to kill him right there, the jerk!  I think he’s adapting to society rather well.  Tony paid a ridiculous amount of money to register him as a Yukon Elk Hound, which I’m pretty sure he made up just because of the antlers.  He did it on the condition that he never had to see Balrog again.  I think he makes Tony uncomfortable.’

Clint nodded.  ‘That sounds like Tony.’  By this time, Lucky had edged around Clint’s legs to sniff cautiously at Balrog.  The bilgesnipe seemed amused by the attention, but didn’t look like he was planning on eating Clint’s dog whole.  That was a plus.  ‘So.  Not to change the subject, but you obviously know who I am.  Care to make us even?’

‘Oh, right.  Sorry.  I hear so much about you from Nat that I forget we haven’t actually met.’

_Nat?!_

‘I’m Darcy.  Darcy Lewis.  Jane Foster’s minion/the only reason she hasn’t killed herself doing Science! yet.’  She stuck out a hand.

He shook it.  ‘Clint Barton, which you already know.  It is my genuine pleasure to meet you, Darcy Lewis.’

‘Likewise.’  Her grin turned evil.  ‘Wanna help me sneak Balrog into Tony’s lab?’

That did it.  He was in love.  ‘I think we’re going to get along just fine.’

**Author's Note:**

> Lucky and Balrog become best friends, which Clint finds...concerning. Balrog tolerates Clint, but he's not above scaring the living daylights out of him for laughs.
> 
> Tony screamed like a little girl when he came into his lab and found Balrog waiting for him. Darcy and Clint recorded it for posterity.
> 
> As always, leave prompts below, or [shoot the breeze](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/ask) on my tumblr. No smut or slash, please and thanks!


End file.
